Less or More?

People often comment on my stamina. I won't deny it. I have a hefty schedule and I feel that I accomplish most of what is necessary with a bit of grace, but without the craziness, in the middle of the quiet, there is often a lot of time to think. When I was just a mother of one, when Isaiah was an only, I felt that I didn't have any time. I was busy learning how to be a wife and mother, I organized a meetup group, I spent much of my time reading books about preschool and kindergarten. I was often alone, without cable, for what seemed like days. I didn't quite know where I fit in. The friends I had from my old life didn't understand me as much as they once did and the friends that were from my mommy group were fresh and new. I was in between finding a new identity.

Then, when Josiah came along, I felt I knew who I was. I had done the breastfeeding, the spit up, the night time feedings. All there was left to do was to figure out where Josiah fit in with Isaiah. The only thing left about my identity as a mother was finding out the balance, the juggle. That act came quicker than I thought. In fact, it was almost instantly that I found the two baby knack of things. The identity as mother was complete. I can do one, so I must be able to do two, and therefore three won't be such a problem.

Then, my sister had another baby. Just as I found my stiletto wearing footing at a college campus my sister found that she may have lost some of her own identity while becoming a mother of two. It made me think about what the second baby signifies. Josiah, to me, meant less of me more of them. More ice cream, more birthday parties, more presents under the tree. He meant less time to shower, less time to schedule a hair cut, less time to cuddle with Robert. But Josiah also signified something else...more love. More love for him. More love for Isaiah. Much love for Robert. Most of all, he meant more love for me. He meant more effort to find time to love on me. It's true, my family has made more sacrifices to help tend to the new baby and the more independent mommy, but I have found that it is only me that can say when I need more love.

Last week, while emailing a woman about a possible lactation consultant position I may be interviewing for, we discussed how important it is for mothers to be kind to ourselves. We're often lost in the shuffle. We forget about ourselves because we're too busy tending to everyone else. It is ok to be selfish. It is ok to need. It is ok to put your Uggs wearing foot down, because often, two really is enough.

One Husband, Two Children, & 15 Credits! Oh my!

It is true. There have been a number of missing blogs from my "daily blog." I often wonder where the black hole with all my time is. If I find it, I'll be sure to find all the time in which I'm able to boink my husband, educate my children, shave my legs, and create a research paper that is well...researched. Alas, I have yet to find the chasm that has swallowed up my sliver of Father Time.

Lately, in the Lindsey household, the house is much messier than it usually is. The holiday season is creeping on us and soon the 11 foot Christmas tree that I squeeze into our tiny apartment will be looming over our useless fireplace. There will be pine needles, pumpkin pie, presents, and shiny glass ornaments. We'll hang stockings, and make prime rib, and we'll drink and be merry. Usually, I'm very excited about this, but this year, there is a sincere dread that has manifested itself into what seems to be the dreaded heartburn! Where will I find time to pick a tree, stuff the stockings, bake Santa's chewy cookies, and sing songs that are all jingly and crap?!

In fact, the only thing I've been singing lately are Disney songs off of youtube. And you ask, "Alicia, why the hell are you looking up Disney songs on youtube?!" The answer is simple. I have a research paper due at the end of this month about the Disney Corporation. Have you listened to the lyrics of a Disney song lately? Ursula, from, The Little Mermaid, sings to this impressionable young woman, "You've got your looks, your pretty face, and don't underestimate the power of BODY LANGUAGE! The men up there don't like a lot of blabber. They think a woman who gossips is a bore. On land its much preferred for women not to say a word. And, after all dear, what is idle blabber for? Come on they're not all that impressed with conversation. True gentlemen avoid it when they can. But they dote and swoon and fawn on a woman who's withdrawn. It's she who holds her tongue that gets her man."

What. The. Beep?! So we can see that Disney is obsessed with gender differences. They insist on keeping women quiet which is so fantastically animated when Ariel gives up her voice to get her beloved Prince Eric. Don't get me started with the racism in Pochahontas, or the seduction in Aladdin, or even the horror of losing a parent in The Lion King. And, did you know that the Disney Corporation often hires pedophiles?! That's right! So, when you're standing there with your fully charged Nikon D90 realize that your unsuspecting child is being lifted onto a pony by a sexual deviant. Know that when you're standing there, holding your two thousand dollar camera, and yelling for her to smile, a disgusting sexual predator is saddling her onto an overworked horse.

And, if you're wondering how my kids are...well two just might be enough.

I'm Too Old For This Crap...

But the greatest love, the love above all loves...even greater than that of a mother is the tender, passionate, undying love of one beer drunken slob for another.

- Irish love ballad

Robert and I are blessed with incredible friends and family. These people, these wonderful individuals, are people we call on to celebrate in the good and share in the bad. They are much like ourselves. Young. Restless. Exuberant. They are authentically funny.

Recently, family and friends came to spend some time at our home. We baptised our Josiah and then spent the week showing off the Great Northwest.

Day 1 started at 11pm. I don't normally wake up with a wine hangover, but thanks to Day 1 I did. I am officially too old to get drunk with my friends and family. I laughed uncontrollably. My face hurt. I woke up to beer bottles and wine glasses and half-naked men on my couch. (They're family, but that is not the point.)

Day 2-7 are filled with more drinks. Lots of drinks at all hours of the day and in a seemingly acceptable fashion. These days, these wine and beer filled days, are days where I watch a couple of best friends laugh with a couple of Lindsey men and we laugh and laugh and some of us throw up. Not me. I don't throw up.

I hear stories of peeping Tom's while masturbating, women's faces having stretch marks, people repeating themselves while saying, "You were whacking off and a woman was peeping through the window?", and mostly I hear, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" coming from my own mouth. We watch homemade videos where men are drunk and laughing and this happens to make my husband laugh then they all laugh. And I laugh more. And the girls laugh. And we laugh and laugh and laugh. It has been a couple of weeks and I want to laugh now.

In the mix we lost a wine bottle in the parking lot, two wine glasses came home with us from a restaurant, one spit can may have spilled all over a truck, someone threw up milk, and we must not forget flatulence. Farting is inevitable.

If I have learned one thing from that little vacation it is that I am much too old for that crap. I can't stay up past 1pm without paying for it the next day. My kids demand too much. I need to breastfeed. Isaiah's activities are still scheduled. I love a clean house. I love the friends/family, but I love my privacy. And, how I love my bedroom with the private master bath.

There is something to say about that drunken mess. These people, these incredible people, are home to me. They are people who I am allowed to be completely myself in front of. I can cuss out my husband in front of them without judgement. I don't have to be a hostess with them. I can go to sleep knowing everything is taken care of. They don't require much from me. They ask for nothing but beer, wine, an air mattress, and several blankets. They're family. How I miss them.

Do It In Stilettos

You can do anything you put your mind to and you can do it in stilettos.

-Kimora Lee Simmons

I registered at Clark College a few weeks ago. I took my placement tests, and scored pretty high I admit, and my dad generously agreed to pay tuition for me. (Thanks, dad!)

It has been a long while since I've studied for something. The last test I took was for the Oregon Construction Contractor's Board and I passed--of course, but it was open book and, if I must say so, easy. My CCB license is proof that you can do anything in stilettos--even build a house if you want. (Or supervise, at the very least.)

I love my accessories. I LOVE THEM. I wake up in the morning out-numbered by penises. 4 to 1. Every day. Every day I wake up to feed, cloth, work around and with, my boys. And, when I cleaned out my closet I am reminded of exactly how much girls rock. I love my shoes. I love my purses. I love my dresses. I LOVE IT ALL!!! I am not ashamed of who I am. In fact, I will be the first to say that I am an intelligent, beautiful, hell--hot, mama who makes no apologies for being out-spoken, bold, and tough.

My point is, I will do whatever it takes and I will do it while looking good. Bring it. I can take it. Thank you Kimora. I heart you.

PS: Next goal--Rock stilettos while learning to shoot my 9mm. (Thanks, honey!!!)

Ummm....Hello???

Picture it. My office phone rings. The baby is about 2 months old. I am just back after maternity leave. I am highly emotional. I am a mess. Yes, this conversation brings me a good laugh--one much needed due to laundry overload.

Phone Rings. 808 Number.
Me: Good Morning, Corporate Woods Apartments, this is Alicia.
Inquiry: Uh. Hello? You get one apartment 'fo rent?
Me: Yes. I do. What are you looking for?
Inquiry: Well, I stay looking 'fo my kids. They stay living on Maui and they like move ova hea.
Me: Oh yeah?! I'm from Maui!
Inquiry: You?! You is from Maui?! Brah. I neva wen Maui long time! Why what is your last name?
Me: My last name is Lindsey.
Inquiry: You is one LINDSEY!!
Me: Well, my husband is a Lindsey. I married into the Lindsey...
Inquiry: I wen skoo wit one Lindsey! Anyway, I stay living right now in Hazeldell--you know dats like Happy Valley, bu.
Me: Umm. Well, I've never actually been to Hazeldell. I think I drove past once.
Inquiry: Why? You go down to da valley.
Me: Uh. Yes. I occasionally have gone to the valley.
Inquiry: Why? Where your apartments stay? Fisher's Landing...Orchards?
Me: Corporate Woods is located in Orchards. We're a 47 unit...
Inquiry: Oh Ok. Cause they no like live in Fisher's Landing...Fisher's landing is like Kula 200 or Maui Meadows or Makena.
Me: Umm...yes. I suppose you could say that they are a bit...
Inquiry: brah...dey is stuck up.
Me: Umm...Well. I wouldn't say that. I like to go to Whole Foods on Mill Plain.
Inquiry: Dey no like live ova dea.
Me: Yes, that's why you called Corporate Woods...in Orchards.
Inquiry: Well how much is your two bedroom?
Me: The two bedroom rents at...
Inquiry: Is it like the valley? Why...your apartments...they expensive?
Me: well, they're in market range if that's what you're asking and we pay water, sewer,...
Inquiry: Why what utilities is included.
Me: well...we pay water, sewer, and garbage.
Inquiry: You know how much one pineapple?
Me: I don't really care for pineapple.
Inquiry: WHAT! Not even the hybrid kine?
Me: Uh. No. I don't care for the pokies in my mouth.
Inquiry: 'Fo real?!
Me: anyway, I can mail them the application packet since they're still on Maui.
Inquiry: Ok. I goin' have the grandmada co-sign. Why can?
Me: Umm, well how the process works is..
Inquiry: Can or no can?!
Me: Umm, I was just trying to say that the grandma can sign, but they need to go through the application process first.
Inquiry: Ok. I call you back. Kden.
Phone Disconnects.

Welcome to my world. I had a good laugh..and an urge to buy a pineapple.

Sleeping On The Couch Sucks Ass...

I've been up for days it seems. I get an hour or two worth of rest and then it starts all over again. I've neglected my blog because I can't think strait, I'm constantly irritated, and I want to slap someone so hard that it makes their head spin backwards.

What I don't understand, what I think that is bothering me the most, is that Robert can sleep through it all! Then, if I wake him up he acts as if he's been up with me. And, I know it isn't just him. I know other dads do it too, so I shouldn't feel irritated. I am sleep deprived, hungry, and very irritable.

There is no real blog except to say...if I sleep on the couch one more time I might lose it.

It's Off To Church We Go...

Today's blog isn't funny, just FYI.

Today we are going to try out a new church. When we moved out of the truck and into our first apartment I thought it was important to find a church. Robert and I were raised Catholic and we felt that it was important to give our children, then it was just Isaiah, a sense of belonging. In fact, we'd attend "Trucker's Church" when we lived in the truck. It was a 40-foot trailer that had been converted into a non-denominational worshipping center.

Personally, I like a small, quaint church. The church we went to out in Sandy is beautiful--especially in the winter. The community was small and everyone was very, very nice. I felt surrounded by extended family there. The church we're going to today is not that sort of church. It has three Sunday masses and a school! I am sort of nervous. On the other hand, it has day care and it has a children's choir. Very cute.

My hope is to find a place, near to our home, where my children can flourish and where they can learn to know a higher power. I am excited for them. I'd love Isaiah to go to the Sunday School and I would like nothing better than to volunteer in the nursery. YAY!