Ummm....Hello???

Picture it. My office phone rings. The baby is about 2 months old. I am just back after maternity leave. I am highly emotional. I am a mess. Yes, this conversation brings me a good laugh--one much needed due to laundry overload.

Phone Rings. 808 Number.
Me: Good Morning, Corporate Woods Apartments, this is Alicia.
Inquiry: Uh. Hello? You get one apartment 'fo rent?
Me: Yes. I do. What are you looking for?
Inquiry: Well, I stay looking 'fo my kids. They stay living on Maui and they like move ova hea.
Me: Oh yeah?! I'm from Maui!
Inquiry: You?! You is from Maui?! Brah. I neva wen Maui long time! Why what is your last name?
Me: My last name is Lindsey.
Inquiry: You is one LINDSEY!!
Me: Well, my husband is a Lindsey. I married into the Lindsey...
Inquiry: I wen skoo wit one Lindsey! Anyway, I stay living right now in Hazeldell--you know dats like Happy Valley, bu.
Me: Umm. Well, I've never actually been to Hazeldell. I think I drove past once.
Inquiry: Why? You go down to da valley.
Me: Uh. Yes. I occasionally have gone to the valley.
Inquiry: Why? Where your apartments stay? Fisher's Landing...Orchards?
Me: Corporate Woods is located in Orchards. We're a 47 unit...
Inquiry: Oh Ok. Cause they no like live in Fisher's Landing...Fisher's landing is like Kula 200 or Maui Meadows or Makena.
Me: Umm...yes. I suppose you could say that they are a bit...
Inquiry: brah...dey is stuck up.
Me: Umm...Well. I wouldn't say that. I like to go to Whole Foods on Mill Plain.
Inquiry: Dey no like live ova dea.
Me: Yes, that's why you called Corporate Woods...in Orchards.
Inquiry: Well how much is your two bedroom?
Me: The two bedroom rents at...
Inquiry: Is it like the valley? Why...your apartments...they expensive?
Me: well, they're in market range if that's what you're asking and we pay water, sewer,...
Inquiry: Why what utilities is included.
Me: well...we pay water, sewer, and garbage.
Inquiry: You know how much one pineapple?
Me: I don't really care for pineapple.
Inquiry: WHAT! Not even the hybrid kine?
Me: Uh. No. I don't care for the pokies in my mouth.
Inquiry: 'Fo real?!
Me: anyway, I can mail them the application packet since they're still on Maui.
Inquiry: Ok. I goin' have the grandmada co-sign. Why can?
Me: Umm, well how the process works is..
Inquiry: Can or no can?!
Me: Umm, I was just trying to say that the grandma can sign, but they need to go through the application process first.
Inquiry: Ok. I call you back. Kden.
Phone Disconnects.

Welcome to my world. I had a good laugh..and an urge to buy a pineapple.