Less or More?

People often comment on my stamina. I won't deny it. I have a hefty schedule and I feel that I accomplish most of what is necessary with a bit of grace, but without the craziness, in the middle of the quiet, there is often a lot of time to think. When I was just a mother of one, when Isaiah was an only, I felt that I didn't have any time. I was busy learning how to be a wife and mother, I organized a meetup group, I spent much of my time reading books about preschool and kindergarten. I was often alone, without cable, for what seemed like days. I didn't quite know where I fit in. The friends I had from my old life didn't understand me as much as they once did and the friends that were from my mommy group were fresh and new. I was in between finding a new identity.

Then, when Josiah came along, I felt I knew who I was. I had done the breastfeeding, the spit up, the night time feedings. All there was left to do was to figure out where Josiah fit in with Isaiah. The only thing left about my identity as a mother was finding out the balance, the juggle. That act came quicker than I thought. In fact, it was almost instantly that I found the two baby knack of things. The identity as mother was complete. I can do one, so I must be able to do two, and therefore three won't be such a problem.

Then, my sister had another baby. Just as I found my stiletto wearing footing at a college campus my sister found that she may have lost some of her own identity while becoming a mother of two. It made me think about what the second baby signifies. Josiah, to me, meant less of me more of them. More ice cream, more birthday parties, more presents under the tree. He meant less time to shower, less time to schedule a hair cut, less time to cuddle with Robert. But Josiah also signified something else...more love. More love for him. More love for Isaiah. Much love for Robert. Most of all, he meant more love for me. He meant more effort to find time to love on me. It's true, my family has made more sacrifices to help tend to the new baby and the more independent mommy, but I have found that it is only me that can say when I need more love.

Last week, while emailing a woman about a possible lactation consultant position I may be interviewing for, we discussed how important it is for mothers to be kind to ourselves. We're often lost in the shuffle. We forget about ourselves because we're too busy tending to everyone else. It is ok to be selfish. It is ok to need. It is ok to put your Uggs wearing foot down, because often, two really is enough.

One Husband, Two Children, & 15 Credits! Oh my!

It is true. There have been a number of missing blogs from my "daily blog." I often wonder where the black hole with all my time is. If I find it, I'll be sure to find all the time in which I'm able to boink my husband, educate my children, shave my legs, and create a research paper that is well...researched. Alas, I have yet to find the chasm that has swallowed up my sliver of Father Time.

Lately, in the Lindsey household, the house is much messier than it usually is. The holiday season is creeping on us and soon the 11 foot Christmas tree that I squeeze into our tiny apartment will be looming over our useless fireplace. There will be pine needles, pumpkin pie, presents, and shiny glass ornaments. We'll hang stockings, and make prime rib, and we'll drink and be merry. Usually, I'm very excited about this, but this year, there is a sincere dread that has manifested itself into what seems to be the dreaded heartburn! Where will I find time to pick a tree, stuff the stockings, bake Santa's chewy cookies, and sing songs that are all jingly and crap?!

In fact, the only thing I've been singing lately are Disney songs off of youtube. And you ask, "Alicia, why the hell are you looking up Disney songs on youtube?!" The answer is simple. I have a research paper due at the end of this month about the Disney Corporation. Have you listened to the lyrics of a Disney song lately? Ursula, from, The Little Mermaid, sings to this impressionable young woman, "You've got your looks, your pretty face, and don't underestimate the power of BODY LANGUAGE! The men up there don't like a lot of blabber. They think a woman who gossips is a bore. On land its much preferred for women not to say a word. And, after all dear, what is idle blabber for? Come on they're not all that impressed with conversation. True gentlemen avoid it when they can. But they dote and swoon and fawn on a woman who's withdrawn. It's she who holds her tongue that gets her man."

What. The. Beep?! So we can see that Disney is obsessed with gender differences. They insist on keeping women quiet which is so fantastically animated when Ariel gives up her voice to get her beloved Prince Eric. Don't get me started with the racism in Pochahontas, or the seduction in Aladdin, or even the horror of losing a parent in The Lion King. And, did you know that the Disney Corporation often hires pedophiles?! That's right! So, when you're standing there with your fully charged Nikon D90 realize that your unsuspecting child is being lifted onto a pony by a sexual deviant. Know that when you're standing there, holding your two thousand dollar camera, and yelling for her to smile, a disgusting sexual predator is saddling her onto an overworked horse.

And, if you're wondering how my kids are...well two just might be enough.