Squirt & Work

I have two things that are always with me. They often cause backache. They are often stared at. I'm sure they're ridiculed. And, they give me no rest. They often drip unexpectedly. I discuss them often. They're usually covered in spit up and my husband can't keep his hands off them. They are not the children. No. They're these gigantic, heaving, working breasts.

Now, before children they were fantastic. They were stared at, not ridiculed, I'm sure they were discussed. I could walk into a fast food place with just my bathing suit top on. Shoulders back. Heels on. Ass out. I'm not ashamed. I'll admit it. I have gotten free lunches and dinners with these breasts.

But alas, those days are gone. It is almost as if they never existed. Instead of breasts that stop men in their tracks, I have these saggy, misunderstood, nursing bra wearing, breasts. Their only wonder now is whether or not the right or the left has enough milk to feed Josiah. I am more cow-like than human-like these days. I am not ashamed. I breastfeed. I enjoy it.

What I do not enjoy is when I get out of the shower in the morning and clear the mirror only to see what happens after years of nursing. Whoever said nursing was beautiful is clearly blind. They are blind or delusional. Nursing is not beautiful. Of course, we can't dispute it's health benefits or the fact that it is considered "liquid gold," but I will be the first to say that the wear and tear on the girls is indescribable--and not in a "stop a random guy at Jack In The Box" kind of way.

I admit that on occasion I have gotten retribution by shooting someone in the face with my breast milk. I can shoot milk clear across the bedroom. It will shoot out like a broken pipe when the let-down happens. It is not yucky, even if Anaiyah claims otherwise. It is like a World War II weapon--classic with the ability to make someone run in the other direction.

Though, I can't help but sigh when I pass Victoria Secret. They do not make nursing bras there. I am doomed, for at least another six months, to these ugly, hook-bearing bras that come in shades of black, gray, white, and neutral. Don't laugh. These are working boobs.