The first pregnancy, and the first baby, are usually very easy. He eats. He sleeps. He poos. There is no competition. No sibling rivalry. All your attention is focused on that one and only baby. You don't require too much from the husband. You don't require his constant attention. Your hands aren't that full. You tend to cling to your husband for just your emotional well-being and a quick shower.
The second baby is harder. Sure, he is more independent. He doesn't seem to mind waiting for you. The baby seems to understand that he is not the only person in the house. He is content to stare while you work on homework.
No one talks about the dad's part until the second baby. When you are almost out-numbered. When you are older and won't put up with laziness and stupidity. This time the dad knows things. He knows how to put clothes on the baby without breaking an arm. He knows how to change a diaper. He knows how to comfort. He knows how to put the Snugli on himself and can do more than install the car seat. He is dad...more than a frequent babysitter.
Robert isn't perfect. He did not drive me to the hospital either time. He doesn't know how to make a bottle because I breastfeed. He can barely change a poopie diaper without throwing up. He enjoys his sleep at night and on Sunday mornings. He is the dad.
When Josiah was born, he had to take on a ton of responsibility with Isaiah. I take my even, predictable schedule for granted. I know my start time, I know my finish time, I know what time I need to drop Isaiah off at school. Robert doesn't have a schedule like that. He is tired. His work is mentally exhausting. One wrong move on his part could kill a number of people. It could kill himself. He must sleep because if he doesn't he is hazardous on the road. He must be alert because if he isn't it can do more damage than the average vehicle.
The second doesn't care about his sleep. The mom of two babies doesn't care about his sleep either. We are tired ourselves. So, the dad takes on those early responsibilities when we can't do it ourselves. During those first few weeks when we are just mom...not super mom. We can barely walk. A shower is taxing. The older child(ren) require more than usual. So suddenly, the dad is more important.
If you're a dad and you're reading this blog and you're expecting your second child, remember that you're more than the babysitter. We need help. We need to sleep. We need you to understand that we need more emotional support than usual. We can't think strait. We miss our first child terribly. We miss being held by you. We miss being the GIRLFRIEND, though we love being the wife.
Bring home flowers. Put on cologne. Smile when we want to cry. Hug us when we aren't huggable. Be responsible. Be dependable. Be smart. Be alert. Listen. Be who you were when we met you plus be the father that we need you to be for the children. Be more because after two more is necessary.
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