Parenting 101--Good Personal Hygiene

With the H1N1 outbreak spreading like wild fire I should have been wise enough to put money into hand sanitizer stocks. I should have put my life savings into this "medical marvel" that kills 99.9% of germs on contact. Alas, I did not.

I got to thinking, yesterday, about the unspoken/not-written rules of parenting. Things we inadvertently do without thinking and the words that come out of our mouth while we're performing our daily tasks. Much of my day is spent wiping up spit up and drool, busting out a boob, cleaning up poop, bathing, dishwashing, and of course, the dreaded laundry.

Now, in the middle of all of that I teach good personal hygiene. We don't think much about this tiny act, but imagine if we didn't say the things we say to our children about their personal space, about their body parts, about their eating habits. I am disgusted imagining it.

My sister says the world's most interesting things when she's teaching personal hygiene. Yesterday she yelled, "Anaiyah, WIPE YOUR VAGINA AND WASH THOSE STINKY HANDS!" This, although loud and slighty obnoxious, is worthy advice. You need to wipe. Its a part of life.

I've had my fair share of embarassing sentences. They include: Isaiah, wipe your ass. There is shit on it. Isaiah, brush your teeth your breath stinks. Josiah, you pissed on me and I don't like that. I never said I was perfect. I cuss like a sailor and my oldest repeats. I've heard him say, "Mama, Josiah shit his pants and it stinks." I've asked Isaiah where his dad is and without thinking he'll say, "Daddy is in the bathroom taking a shit." Honesty is the best policy.

Both of my children have gotten the infamous pink eye shortly after birth. When Isaiah got it, I asked my grandmother for advice. She is an old-fashioned Filipino women. She is filled with "worldly" advice in regards to homeopathic remedies. She simply said, "Touch the eye to the penis." What do you suppose that means? Her theory, if I remember correctly, was to cure the eye with the penis. I'm still unsure of this. Pink eye will usually heal on its own, however, to speed up the process, I do recommend spraying some breastmilk in the eye. Breastmilk is filled with wonderful antioxidants and it heals almost overnight. I do not recommend "touching the penis to the eye" especially if your baby is a girl.

Yesterday, while picking up Isaiah, I let the office lady hold Josiah. The problem with more than one child is that you only have two hands. Sometimes, someone else needs to hold the baby. There are many baby rules, but above all you must sanitize before you hold the baby. When another woman started touching Josiah, I tapped her on the shoulder and politely asked, "Have you sanitized yet?" She looked at me like I was crazy and I said, "Only those who have santized are allowed to associate with the baby."

We are not crazy. The things we say, even the strange and unnerving things, are for the well-being of our children. We need to say them to protect them. Wipe your vagina, flush the toilet, brush your teeth--all very important. And, if you're reading this blog and no longer take care of your own children remember these things. You can not visit the babies if you are sick. You can not hold the babies if you haven't sanitized. And, if you come over and I ask where you are when I can't find you, Isaiah will probably say, "He's taking a shit."