The People I Meet...

First of all, I apologize for blog lackage. Who knew that two kids, a husband, a job, and a shower would take up so much time?

When I work, I often have both my children. I think at some point during the day, I have two children in my office and usually Josiah is with me every minute of every day. Constantly with me. I take the boys with me when I'm doing turnovers--except when they're dubbed "urine throughout" or "excessive smoke damage"--and sometimes vendors pop in to do some turnover work.

The boys and I met the most interesting man from MP Plumbing. He came here to snake a toilet and then to snake a tub. Day 1 seemed interesting in itself. His assessment of Job 1 was as follows: There is a POOP load of toilet paper in there. I never seen so much toilet paper. So, I yanked off the toilet and now you'll need a new one. So, not only am I shocked that he yanked off the toilet, but I am irate because I'm late for Kumon and my appointment at Verizon. He explains to me that the wholesale depot is closed and that he'll never make it there in time. I explain that I don't give a shit and that he needs to snake the pipe and reinstall the toilet. People need to pee and poop you know--everyone does and he's a plumber. You'd think that's what they teach at plumber college. I give him a vote of confidence before I pull out of our driveway at an entirely unacceptable speed.

Day 2: He is at the door of a newlywed couple at 9am. It is rainy out. The wind is blowing and it is perfect cuddling weather for a newlywed couple. The plumber dude is knocking on the door, and knocking, and knocking. Then, he's calling me to tell me that they're not answering and that the people aren't there. I tell him I start at 9:30 and I'll be down in 15 minutes.

Fast forward 15 minutes. I make the call to the resident. I know they're home because I see their car. I call and the new husband is huffing and puffing and says, "Hello?!" And I say, "Hi. This is Alicia--resident manager. The plumber is here to fix your tub. Are you home or should I just let him in?" And he replies, "He can come here. I will put my clothes on." Honesty is the best policy.

So, because I have respect I give them 15 minutes. I tell the plumber to wait and I explain why. After all, it'll be a short couple of years when they can have sex whenever and where ever it is they want. Sooner or later they'll be counting happy faces on the calendar. So, the plumber tells me his whole life story. I know that his fiancee is crazy. That he threw out some chicken. That he believes in giving the smack down. That he dated a half black and half Filipino girl and she was 'fine.' I know that he is from Minnesota, that he moved here, that moving is hard. He lives in Beaverton and his best friend's name is Jacob. I also know that his ex-wife would like to take him back, but "he don't want none of her crazy anymore." Oh, and he speaks of Martin, as in Lawrence, as if they were brothers--"yeah, I'mma see Martin tonight--he is FUUNNNY!"

What the hell. I have work to do. I know you're not blind. You see I have two kids in an office. Clearly, I have my day cut out for me. Get out. I friended him on Facebook then I deleted his ass. I felt I had that sort of power.