If I Had A Girl...

I don't anticipate ever giving birth to a girl. When I got pregnant with Josiah I felt, for sure, that this baby, this incredible blessing, would be a girl. Yet, the ultrasound technician exclaimed, "THERE, I SEE A PENIS." Oh no. ( At least that's what Robert said. lol.)

My life is coated, dripping with testosterone. I wake up to it every morning. My choice in truck screams it. My clothes are prepared for it. I feed them meat and potatoes. I attempt at not babying them when they fall. I choose bold, bright colors for their clothes. I never wipe them front to back. Ever. They shake, not wipe. Well, they wipe their ass, but Isaiah's old enough to do that himself.

I spent almost three weeks with my sister and my niece and for once my house was coated, dripping in estrogen. Girl conversations. Girl movies. Girl clothes. Estrogen to go on for months. Anaiyah, my niece, is a fantastic conversationalist. She is a leader. A demander. She is blunt, bossy, boisterous. If I had a daughter, I imagine she would be much like my niece, who is so much like myself.

My hope, however, is not to give birth to a daughter. Although, that alone is something that I pray for often. My hope is to raise the boys that I have to be good, honest, men who will know how to lead and to humor. My hope is to have them, coated in all their testosterone glory, be real men to their wives. My hope is that they understand women, are able to juggle schedules, pull their loads as fathers.

How jealous I am that my sister is raising such an amazing daughter. Anaiyah is following in a long line of strong women who are as much, or more, blunt and opinionated as she. I hope my boys will one day recognize these qualities in woman as attributes rather than flaws. I hope Anaiyah recognizes that, too.